her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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