this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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