also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He has the fingertips of a God
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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