I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
