I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
