if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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