The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
