i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
