He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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