yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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