Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
