Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
