There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
