but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
