I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
