End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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