We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
