We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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