you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
