I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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