May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
