If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
