at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
