North Korea, Best Korea!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
