I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
