She said her name was "party"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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