i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
