She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
