Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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