I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
