The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
