I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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