It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.