8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?