weddingsv make me drug and hornr
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..