OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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