I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.