You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I just shit out all my problems.