It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
