it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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