i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
