Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
