i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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