Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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