My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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