Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
