If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
