You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
