Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
