Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
