I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
