Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
