Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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