You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
