Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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