I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's the barista slut.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
