I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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