playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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