i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
