His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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