I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
